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What the critics said: “it’s so, so totally […] insane.” “Prepare yourselves.” “They don’t know what they’re in for.”

“You owe me $20, Leo!” Toby exclaimed.

“What? Why?” Leo asked suspiciously. It didn’t help that Toby was practically bouncing up and down in excitement.

“I won the pool!” Toby exclaimed happily. Today was a day for rejoicing. A day of jubilee, if you will. He jumped up and down some more.

“What pool? Since when do we have pools?” Leo asked, still suspicious. Toby’s behaviour was scaring the crap out of him, to be honest. He told him so.

“I don’t care!” Toby exclaimed. “I won the pool!”

“You won the pool?” Sam asked, approaching them. “Damn, and I was so close, too. I had February.”

“What damn pool?” Leo demanded.

Sam pointed to the door where, most conveniently, Josh and Donna had just appeared, holding hands. Toby started chuckling. Leo was unnerved. Then he saw what it was that Sam was pointing at.

He sighed.

“Ahh, young love,” he said, almost reminiscently. “It’s taken them long enough! Only, what four years?”

“Five,” CJ said, coming up behind him.

The group sighed collectively as Josh and Donna smiled at each other and kissed. Because that was what professionals did in the West Wing. Really.

“I won the pool!” Toby announced again loudly. “Josh and Donna finally got together so everyone has to pay me!”

Donna and Josh turned round and saw them all for the first time. Obviously, they were shocked.

“But how did you find out?” Josh asked, well, shocked.

Toby gave them a sly look, but didn’t reply.

The President entered the room. Well, the hallway to Leo’s office, really. “What’s going on here?” he asked sternly.

Everyone gasped and tried to look professional, but considering all they were doing was gossiping in the halls, it was quite difficult.

“Nothing, sir,” Sam said, saluting the President. The President saluted back. There was no reason for this.

“Why ever not?” asked the President. He looked speculatively at Josh and Donna and their joined hands. “What’s this? Did my nefarious and cunning plan finally work?”

Everyone looked quickly over to the President. They were, of course, shocked. “You had a nefarious and cunning plan?” Toby asked.

“Well, how else were Josh and Donna ever going to get together? Don’t you think that I planned the whole thing?” the President asked, amused.

“Umm, sorry sir, but what *exactly* did you do?” CJ asked him.

“Why don’t we all go into Leo’s office and sit down, and I’ll tell you exactly what I did,” the President suggested.

The First Lady came up behind them. “Jed, are you taking credit for my nefarious and cunning plan to get Josh and Donna together?” she asked.

“Umm, no?”

“I don’t believe you. But let’s tell everyone anyway.” She invited everyone to join them in Leo’s office so that they could spend a few hours ignoring the fact that they were supposed to be doing… stuff, and instead discussing Josh and Donna. (Hell, since they don’t seem to be doing anything much, it’s going to be JoshnDonna from now on. It’s easier.)

“Actually, if I might say something, I also had a nefarious and cunning plan to get JoshnDonna together,” Leo admitted.

“You did?” CJ asked. “But so did Sam and I!”

“And so did I!” Toby said, uncharacteristically happy and jumping about. But we’ve already established that Toby’s going to be generally behaving uncharacteristically.

“And us!” the assistants chorused from behind JoshnDonna.

JoshnDonna stood there shocked. But they joined the rest of the staff in Leo’s office anyway. They weren’t *that* shocked.

“So, let me start,” the President began. “I got the tobacco people to cause a huge scandal involving Josh!” he admitted.

“But why?” CJ asked. “That drove JoshnDonna apart!”

“Well, to be honest, I don’t know why. It seemed like a good idea at the time. It was all part of my nefarious and cunning plan. But it went awry. I think it was supposed to bring them together, and if Josh had shared with Donna, then they’d have helped each other through it.”

“That’s where I came in,” the First Lady announced. “I had to fix his mess, but I wasn’t sure how. So I managed to get the whole scandal covered up and for Josh to look like the hero. But it still wasn’t right, especially with JoshnDonna in different cities and no longer talking.”

“So I arranged for Donna to be placed with a friend of mine in Boston,” Leo admitted.

“That was you?!” Sam asked. “I wondered how Donna had managed to get work there considering James already had a very good assistant. I wondered why his assistant all of a sudden had to immediately go and work in Duluth!”

“Actually, I got her a job in the White House,” Leo admitted. “Donna needed the Boston job.”

“So you knew already that James was going to invite me to his 40th birthday party?”

“Well, to be honest, I asked him to invite you. Didn’t you think it was strange that you’d not spoken to him in fifteen years and all of a sudden he’s your best friend? And didn’t you think that it was odd that you managed to get a weekend off so quickly with no argument?” Leo asked.

Sam nodded. “Well, now that you mention it, I suppose so. But it helped me start my nefarious and cunning plan. After seeing Donna at the party, I knew that she and Josh had to be together, and so I planned to get her back here. Then Josh was in the car crash…”

“That was me again, I’m afraid,” the President admitted. “I wasn’t happy knowing that JoshnDonna were apart, but I knew that she’d want to come and look after him if he was hurt. Unfortunately, I got a little carried away...”

“And that’s where I had to help out again. I spoke to Josh’s mother and asked her to talk some sense into Josh,” the First Lady interjected. Because this scenario wasn’t realistic enough before that bit.

“And then Sam and I formed our own nefarious and cunning plan,” CJ said. “Sam had to get Josh to go out and talk with him, and he had to let Josh know that Donna was in Boston, so that Josh could go there and get her back.”

“But for that to happen, we had to involve Maggie, who just happened to live in Boston,” Sam explained with a smile.

“And then I managed to convince Congressman Reisman to be stubborn about the health care bill so that Josh would have an excuse to go to Boston!” Leo said with excitement.

“I thought that sounded a bit of a flimsy excuse for Josh to be in Boston,” Toby said with a smile, “But fortunately it helped with my own nefarious and cunning plan. I knew Maria, and got her to celebrate her birthday at the restaurant I had recommended for Josh to take Maggie.”

Sam started bouncing up and down. “I knew it was more than just complete coincidence! But Maggie knew what to do. She helped JoshnDonna get talking again!”

“I couldn’t just let JoshnDonna be apart anymore. It was killing me, so after Maggie had broken up with Josh and convinced him to go talk to Donna, I orchestrated the meeting at the campaign headquarters on Election night!” CJ also started bouncing up and down with excitement.

“You did?” Toby, Sam, Leo, the President and the First Lady asked in unison. Yeah, this isn’t completely contrived, or anything. “But that was me!” they all said in unison again. Just accept that they’re all psychic or whatever, okay? We can move faster if you’re willing to suspend disbelief a little longer.

“I got them dancing again!” Sam piped up excitedly. Because there’s a whole lot of excitement in this epilogue.

“And I got them together at the bar the next night!” Zoey said as she entered the room with Charlie in tow.

“And I helped with Thanksgiving!” Ainsley said with a smile, as she showed up in the office looking slightly out of breath. “Sorry I’m a bit late – it’s a long way from my office.”

“And I got James to transfer to DC!” Leo exclaimed, happy as a bunny. There’s really no need for this phrase, I just think it’s an interesting visual.

“And I got Maria to have a talk with Donna so that she would have to come back to DC!” Toby exclaimed.

“And they finally got together!” everyone said at once. Disbelief, people, suspend it already.

Toby wiped a tear from his eye as JoshnDonna beamed at each other.

“Thank you so much, everyone!” Josh said. He took this moment to get down on one knee. He produced a box from his pocket and held it out for Donna. She opened it, nearly in tears.

“Ha ha!” Josh said evilly. “I had you fooled! It’s a spider that I found in the bathroom this morning!” Okay, so it wasn’t. But you’ve got to admit that it would have been quite amusing. Well, juvenile. Whatever.

“Donnatella,” he actually said. He started crying and couldn’t continue. It was a very emotional moment for him, after all. “I’ve loved you from the very moment I first laid eyes on you,” he finally choked out. “In fact, I think I loved you before I met you,” (huh, isn’t that some song lyrics? Oh well, I’m stealing characters, where’s the shame in stealing songs as well?) “And I love you *so* *damn* *much* that life without you is not worth living, and the flowers smell sweeter when you’re around, and the sun shines brighter when you’re here, and even Congress delights me so much that I could dance around all afternoon with the fairies. And I was hoping that you might do me the honour of becoming my wife.” Tears ran freely down his face, and he realised that he’d never before felt such true happiness.

“No!” Donna replied, cackling like a witch. Okay, so I lied again. Damnit.

“Of course!” she actually replied, crying like a baby.

Everyone broke out in cheers and started hugging each other, and Charlie opened several bottles of champagne that were conveniently in the room in case this *very* situation occurred. We’ll just ignore the fact that Leo is a recovering alcoholic and wouldn’t have alcohol in his office, okay?

“You can use the Rose Garden for the wedding!” the President offered.

“Thank you!” JoshnDonna continued beaming.

And the West Wing ignored the fact that this was a place of work and had a huge party in celebration.

But oh no, this is not the end. Far from it (yeah, it’s okay, you can stop reading now if you want to).

Because JoshnDonna wrote their own wedding vows for their Rose Garden Wedding, and they just knew that they had to share them with everyone.

Of course, Josh had four best men – the President, Sam, Charlie and Toby, all of whom could barely keep from weeping with joy, especially Toby who was about as happy as he’d ever been. When he saw CJ (Donna’s maid of honour, of course) he knew that he could only be complete if he married her and had lots of babies with her – but we’ll get to that later.

Leo replaced Donna’s father (who unfortunately was unable to attend the wedding. I don’t know why. Ask him yourself, damnit, if you’re that bothered) and gave her away. Margaret, Carol and, umm, Ginger were the other bridesmaids, and were adorned in lovely dresses of bright pink satin.

The wedding music started to play, and they all made their way down the aisle. Josh cried so hard with emotion because Donna was finally going to be his wife. It was the most perfect, sunny, fabulous day that DC had ever seen.

The priest and rabbi married them and nothing went wrong *at all* and the vows were lovely and everyone cried lots.

CJ looked over at Toby, just because.

Sam looked at Ainsley.

The President looked at the First Lady.

Leo looked at Margaret.

Larry looked at Ed.

(This is all *looking* in case you hadn’t realised - the whole deep and meaningful gaze.)

Umm, we need more looking.

JoshnDonna were too busy kissing to look at each other. Nope, think we’ve accounted for all the main staff.

The reception was as wonderful as a reception has ever been, and everyone got drunk. Because, apparently that’s what people do at receptions. Then they all went home with a partner and had lots of sex.

JoshnDonna then went on honeymoon to Hawaii, where they had a wonderful time, didn’t argue once, and just basically had lots of sex.

And we go forward a few months.

“Josh?” Donna entered his office, where fortunately the rest of the staff was already gathered. They didn’t mind the intrusion, thankfully, since they were so invested in JoshnDonna’s relationship.

“What’s wrong?” Josh asked, a look of concern crossing his face.

“Nothing! We’re pregnant!” she announced. “It’s sextuplets!”

Everyone cheered and hugged, and the champagne was brought out again. But not for Donna, since she was responsible and wasn’t going to drink whilst pregnant.

Forward another few months. About… six.

“Josh?” Donna asked as she entered Josh’s office again. The rest of the staff were, again, already there. They were psychic, if you remember.

“What’s wrong?” Josh asked, a look of concern crossing his face.

“It’s the sextuplets!” Donna started crying. “Something’s wrong!”

“Oh no!” everyone chorused.

She was immediately rushed to the hospital, where the doctors determined her life was in danger. They delivered the babies by caesarean section, but Donna lapsed into a coma.

Josh was distraught. Not only was Donna’s life in danger, but the sextuplets (Little CJ, Little Sam, Little Toby, Little Leo, Little Jed and Little Abbey respectively) might not make it either.

He camped out beside Donna’s bed for hours as she lay there unconscious, telling her how much he loved her and that she *had* to make it because he wasn’t sure how he’d survive without her.

He dissolved into tears of despair, wondering what was going to happen, then deciding it was useless. “Donna, I love you! Please wake up!” he pleaded in desperation.

“Josh?” Donna whispered as she came to.

“Donna!” Josh exclaimed, about as happy as he could ever be. “You’re okay! Thank God!” He dissolved into tears of happiness.

“Josh, the babies? How are the babies?”

“They’re fine,” everyone chorused from behind them, each person holding their namesake.

Everyone dissolved into tears of happiness, including the babies. God, I think *I’m* going to cry, it was all so beautiful.

And they all lived happily ever after.

The end.

Damnit, I forgot about the rest of them. There was a reason for the meaningful looks. Ah well, Sam and Ainsley got together, CJ and Toby got together, and Leo and Margaret got together, all on the same day. (Unfortunately, the thing with Larry and Ed was one-sided, so they didn’t get together, but they resolved all their problems and remained the best of friends.)

They all had Rose Garden weddings (on the same day) and all got pregnant (on the same day) and they all lived happily ever after. Okay? Satisfied now?

The actual end.

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