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[donna pov]

To be honest, somewhere, deep down in some consciously unacknowledged place, I think I've always known.

My relationship with Josh is different from all the other friendships and work relationships I've ever experienced. Almost immediately, from our first encounter, we had this thing, this rhythm, unlike anything I've ever shared with anyone else. And our friendship evolved from that into something that was deep and special, yet still innocent.

And of course I found him attractive. I mean, who wouldn't? But I convinced myself that it was nothing more than a school girl crush, related to my belief that he'd rescued me that day as I talked myself into a job when he easily could have rejected me.

Of course, it took me a few years to discover that this thing we had was more than just a deep friendship or even unrequited lust.

I remember distinctly the moment I knew. We were sitting together on Air Force One. We'd been to a fundraiser in San Francisco that evening; the day had been long, and we hadn't been to sleep since the day before. It was nearly 2 in the morning, and Josh was reading some notes for a meeting he had later in the day while I typed up a memo.

He peered over to read the screen for a moment, leaning into me. "I don't think that's how you spell `necessary'," he commented. "There's only one c and no t for a start."

I barely acknowledged his words as I became acutely aware of his shoulder pressing against me, his fingers skimming mine, the heat generated from where our skin touched spreading through my arm across my entire body. I wondered if he could feel it too. I glanced across at him at the same moment he turned his head towards me, our faces just inches apart. And I thought it would have been the most natural thing in the world if I were to kiss him - the only question was whether I should lean towards him or whether I should wait for him to lean towards me. At that moment it became strangely and startlingly clear to me that I was in love with him.

There was a noise as Will walked past and we both turned to look. The moment was disturbed as I remembered where we were and who we were. But neither of us moved from our position, our shoulders remained connected, our fingers still touched lightly.

~

It was much later that progress beyond this was made.

It was late one night and we'd been half working on a pollution reduction bill, eating Chinese food, and drinking beer. We were both a little buzzed by the alcohol, in addition to the lack of sleep from the previous few nights, and we'd grown tired of trying to find a way to reduce carbon dioxide emissions.

"George Clooney or Pierce Brosnan?" he asked.

"You're making me choose between my guys?" I complained, picking at prawn crackers.

"Your guys?" he smirked. "You do understand they're not *actually* yours, right?"

I mock glared at him. "It's not my fault all the guys I want are unobtainable. Besides, I wouldn't need any of those guys if I actually had time to find a real one," I pouted.

An indecipherable look briefly crossed his face and he looked at his watch. "Time's almost up."

"Uh… uh… George. ER. Series 3," I finally decided.

He gave me a look of pity as he brought his feet up and placed them on the side of my chair. Slouching a little, I copied his actions, placing my feet against the side of his ass.

"Courteney Cox or Jennifer Aniston?" I shot at him.

"Which one's the blond?"

I thought for a second. "You mean the ditzy one who plays Phoebe?"

"No - the other blond one, married to that… What's his name? Some actor guy. Begins with a D."

"You know who I'm talking about, right?" I asked, entirely confused. "The ones from Friends. You've watched Friends at least once, right?"

"Yeah, I know who you're talking about." He looked amused.

I started flexing my foot as pins and needles began to set in. Almost without conscious thought, Josh picked my foot up and placed it in his lap, lightly massaging it. I wasn't going to complain.

"The dark haired one is married to David Arquette," I offered.

He shook his head. "The other one."

"Cos Jennifer Aniston isn't so much blond as… well… it's difficult to tell, but I'd go for brown. Maybe red. Well, it was in about series 3."

"Her then."

"And she's married to Brad Pitt. Which doesn't begin with a D," I helpfully commented.

"Do you like stalk these people or something?" he grinned, continuing to massage my foot. I tried not to groan as he gently circled a particularly sensitive area.

I ignored his comment. "Did you know her family name is in fact Ana…" I paused mid-sentence, unable to continue for a moment as he circled the area again. "Anastassakis, but it was changed when they arrived in America?" I groaned.

He raised an eyebrow, amused, and I wasn't sure if it was in response to my knowledge of Jennifer Aniston or my obvious preoccupation with his foot massage. Then he grazed the sole of my foot with a feather- like touch that caused me to moan his name.

It should have been an awkward moment. I should have lifted my foot from his lap, flustered, and commented that we really should get back to work.

Or Josh should have dropped my foot, mumbled something about it being about time we got back to the pollution research.

Neither of these things happened.

Instead, he continued to gently stroke my foot and I didn't object. At all.

Not even as his hands wandered away from my feet to linger on my lower leg, slowly and sensuously massaging as he made his way towards me. And as he knelt on the ground beside my chair, my leg placed gently on the floor, his hands causing all sorts of sensations to arise from their place on my knee, I leaned towards him.

I moistened my lower lip with my tongue and Josh appeared transfixed for a second until he slowly began to move towards me. We were seconds from the moment I had fantasized about for longer than I could remember…

"Josh?"

We both jumped, moving quickly apart at the sound of his name.

"CJ!" he spluttered.

"Let me guess, there was something in her eye?" CJ smirked. She held up a hand. "On second thought, say nothing."

"Was there something you wanted?" Josh asked eventually, trying not to look at me.

"Yeah, Leo wants to see you. He thinks Whitman's going to jump ship because of the fishing restrictions."

"He won't," Josh replied adamantly. It was obvious that he was back in politico mode. He stood up.

"That's what I said you'd say," CJ commented with a half smile.

"And I'm going to explain to Leo exactly why," Josh said, briskly walking out of the room.

I noted with some disappointment that CJ remained. I picked up some files off Josh's desk and started organising them in the hope that she'd leave me alone.

"What was that?" she asked, closing the door behind her and walking towards me.

"What was what?" I questioned, trying to maintain my innocence and dignity.

"You know what. That almost…" She paused. "You know exactly what I'm talking about."

I thought quickly. And ultimately failed to come up with a witty explanation. "Yeah that was nothing. You know Josh; he was just getting… He was demonstrating something, like he does."

"Oh, really?" CJ commented, raising her eyebrows suggestively.

"Get your mind out of the gutter!" I laughed.

"Just tell me that sort of thing doesn't go on regularly when you're alone in his office."

"CJ!" I protested. "That sort of thing never goes on in his office. Or anywhere else!"

She looked at me oddly. "Really?" she asked in disbelief.

"Really," I confirmed, trying not to appear as upset over it as I was.

"You mean… Really?" she asked incredulously.

"It's just… It's not like that," I explained.

"Right," CJ replied, not believing me, "because from where I'm standing it looks exactly like that."

And with those words of wisdom she left.

~

I went home soon after Josh returned from his meeting with Leo. He seemed distracted and mentioned nothing about what had almost happened, offered no excuse, and I understood that this was yet another of those moments that we promptly pretended never happened. It didn't make it hurt any less.

I was tired and as soon as I got in I changed into my pyjamas and started preparing for bed. I was almost finished with my routine and about to finally make it to bed when I heard the buzzer. I trudged over to the intercom and asked who it was.

"It's Josh. Can I come up?"

I was too tired to argue so I let him in.

"Why are you here, Josh?" I asked. I didn't want to let myself hope that it was for personal reasons. I wasn't disappointed.

He looked hesitant. "I've got some files from the office for you," he explained.

I sighed. "You're not serious? Because there's about five hours between now and when I'm back in the office and for at least four of them, work isn't at all a priority. And I'm thinking it's also unlikely that I'll be reading in the shower or while I'm getting dressed or…"

I was interrupted by Josh's lips unexpectedly colliding with my own. I didn't hesitate to kiss back, and only pulled away when my senses finally came to me.

"Uh, Josh?" I questioned, unable to keep from smiling.

"Yeah?" he replied.

"What was that?"

"Something I should have done earlier."

"I'll say," I muttered. He caught it but didn't comment. Instead, he cupped the back of my head in his hands, drawing me slowly towards him. Just centimetres apart, he halted, teasing. I self-consciously licked my lower lip in anticipation, and he mimicked my response. I looked from his lips to his eyes. They had grown dark and intense. Still staring, transfixed, into his eyes, I closed the gap between us, gently caressing his lips with my own. I closed my eyes as I opened my mouth wider in response to the hesitant questioning of his tongue, and our tongues danced together, demanding, hungry. His fingers massaged my head, supporting it as we continued for many minutes to gain intimate knowledge of one another. It was perfect and at the same time it was more than that. Indisputably, it was far better than even the best of my fantasies.

I could feel the butterflies in my stomach fluttering rapidly, anxiously anticipating what was to come. I had envisioned this moment too long to not know what I would do next, and so I hesitantly took a step back. I opened my eyes and saw his gazing back at me. I didn't voice my question, but instead took his hand and started slowly towards the bedroom.

I stopped at the door. "Are you… are you okay with this?" I asked.

He looked amused. And aroused. "If you are," he replied.

I put my hand out, touching the handle. "I mean, it's not too fast, or… Maybe we should talk first," I rambled nervously. I was sure that this was what I wanted, but at the same time, so many years of waiting for the moment had only served to increase my anxiety.

He reached out and touched my hand. "I've been waiting a long time for this, I can wait some more if you're not sure or if you want to talk first. But just be aware that you're driving me crazy here," he laughed nervously. I understood that he was as apprehensive as I was.

I made up my mind, positive that we both understood the consequences. I opened the door, stopped again. "Didn't you mention something about files?" I asked.

"Uh yeah. But no. There aren't actually any. Well, there are, but I'm not exactly sure what they are. I didn't look."

"Okay," I replied, amused.

"I just wanted to see you," he admitted, rather embarrassed.

"Good answer," I commented.

I grabbed him by his tie, kissing him hard, before gently pushing him into the bedroom. I followed and shut the door behind us.

~

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