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[donna pov]

It’s been a strange month. But then May always is. I think we’re jinxed. Next year, I’m going to take May out of my calendar as soon as I put it on the wall and hope I can fool the Gods of fate into believing that May’s been cancelled.

But then, they might decide that June would be just as good a month to bring the trauma and I’m not sure I can deal with fearing two whole months.

This month well, we’ve had a number of things as well as all the anniversaries of past traumatic Mays. Jinxed, I tell you. There’s some higher being who has some sort of agenda for May; kill off a couple of people or, y’know, at least try.

Another shooting - this time minus the happy ending. That was the major event. Although it sounds quite callous to call it an event; tragedy would be more appropriate. I try not to think about it; it brings memories of that other May shooting that I’m more than happy to forget about.

The President has definitely been bothered about something, the senior staff is all, well, off, and then there’s the whole Josh Amy thing.

May has definitely been screwing with relationships. CJ, Josh – I wonder who’s next.

But then I’ve got this theory. Not for CJ – I’ve yet to rationalize that one – but for Josh. He should try going out with someone who doesn’t have May as part of her name. Mandy and Amy were both doomed from the start because of this May jinx, I’m sure.

It’s not that I’ve got a problem with Amy. Well, in theory, anyway. I don’t know what it is about her. There’s nothing specific that I dislike about her and despite what some may think, it’s nothing to do with Josh. Except that it is. I mean, not that I’d rather Amy was out of the picture so I could have an opportunity to… whatever; it’s just he’s changed. Or maybe I’ve changed.

I don’t know. There’s just *things* that bother me. Nothing that I can pin point. It just bothers me, y’know. And it’s not as if I can actually say anything to anyone. Yeah, I can imagine it now – "See, there’s this thing about Amy and the way she affects Josh that I just don’t like … No, I can’t tell you what it is; it’s just there… Just something, a *feeling* I’ve got…." People would think I was a bit insane.

I thought that they’d have finished things when Josh got Amy fired. But the thing with Simon brought them closer together or, more likely, caused them to rethink their priorities and forget their arguments. Although I still wouldn’t classify them as close. There’s this whole distance that they’ve got going on, despite their physical proximity.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m jealous. Everyone else seems to be supportive of the relationship, outwardly anyway. Apart from the President, but I’m not sure if that was due to something else. He’s not usually likely to yell at anyone, not even Josh, in front of a whole audience. And now that Amy’s job is no longer a problem, the whole conflict of interest argument has been lost.

But the jealousy, I’m not sure if it exists or not. Sure, on some level, the fact that he’s in a relationship of some description, it gets to me. I’ve been single for far too long and everyone gets a little lonely and down once in a while.

I used to think that I was in love with Josh. Well, I definitely had some sort of a crush on him. Beyond that, I’m not so sure. Sometimes I wonder if I’m envious in that respect. That Amy, despite all my imagined problems with her personality, still managed to get Josh. Other times I laugh out loud at the ridiculous notion that there’s anything more than friendship between us. Josh and I, that is; Amy and I are as much friends as we are ever likely to be.

In truth, it’s not that I don’t like the idea. It’s more complicated than that, though. I mean, if this hypothetical situation whereby I was interested in pursuing a relationship with my boss actually existed, I’d have to consider whether he liked the idea. Or whether he liked Amy more. Or would people object to me, to us for political reasons?

Mostly though, it’s that I don’t know if I should. Or would if there was a situation where there was a possibility of something more between Josh and I.

But I’m not in that situation, and Josh is with Amy, and everyone seems happy with that idea. Well, as happy as they can be considering their current bleak outlook on life, which is perfectly understandable.

We’re jinxed. Not just for May, but this whole Presidency.

And it’s screwing with everything. Including my mind.

THE END

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