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People have puzzled me for many years. In fact, if I were to really think about it, I don’t think I’ve ever understood some people.

Women especially. I got engaged, and yet I never understood my fiancée. Which, you might want to say, was most likely the problem and the reason that I didn’t stick around. That whole… episode… saddens me. But enough of that.

Sometimes I don’t think I understand my friends, either. They do something you would never expect them to do, and you don’t know what to say or do. And this type of behavior, if you will, increased at one point. I’m not sure when, perhaps around the time I heard about Josh and the tobacco thing. Or perhaps it had happened all the time previously, and I only started to become aware of it around then.

Maggie, or so I thought at the time, changed Josh’s life for the better.

He hadn’t had any interest in women, so far as I was aware, since Donna had left, since the thing in Illinois, since before any of the mess that occurred afterwards. Personally, I thought his seeing Maggie was a good thing. Someone not in the political arena, someone detached from it all. I wasn’t necessarily sure that Josh would be able to converse with someone who had no knowledge of politics, but it was working out.

I never really got to know Maggie all that well, but from what Josh said she sounded nice. She sounded normal. And God knows he needed normality. We all did.

As far as I knew, they went out a couple of times in DC, to a fancy restaurant, and I think she even managed to convince him to go to the theater. Not an easy feat, one that had only been attempted successfully by one person previously, the one person that we weren’t allowed to mention.

I kept in contact with Donna throughout the next few months and after Josh went to Boston, I could date it almost to that exact weekend, she seemed to be holding something back. I thought that maybe she’d spotted him in Boston, but later dismissed the idea. The second thought that went through my head was that she had found a boyfriend, and didn’t want to tell me. Which was counterproductive in that it got me thinking more about who it could be. Perhaps someone I would disapprove of, or maybe she just wasn’t telling anyone.

I felt somewhat left out, especially since I couldn’t really ask her, but I knew there was nothing I could do about it, and most probably it was only my imagination, anyway. I could get carried away with my imagination often.

Josh returned from Boston a changed person. Or perhaps not changed, but reformed - the way that I remembered him from our early acquaintance. Arrogant, sure of himself, the ‘swagger’ and the dimples returned more frequently. I could almost imagine him doing victory laps around the office again having won someone over to his side, or ‘kicking Republican ass’. And the West Wing was a great place to work in again.

Everyone knew about the tobacco thing by now. Admittedly, it was me who brought it up, who explained to CJ and to Toby, and even to Leo, about the situation.

CJ’s reaction was probably the most unforgettable.

We’d been out for lunch, and I couldn’t help myself, I had to tell someone what I knew. And then she came out with some comment, something about Josh not being trustworthy. Only more subtle.

I had to set her straight, and the way she stared blankly at me afterwards, not comprehending; I wasn’t sure what to say. I repeated what I had told her, and she told me that she had heard the first time, irritated.

“It wasn’t Josh’s fault,” I repeated. “He was trying to help us. God, he was trying to protect us, to protect Donna. It wasn’t his fault.” I found myself repeating this over and over, as it sunk in with me more than Josh explaining the situation to me.

“I heard,” CJ reminded me, but no longer irritated. “I heard,” she said again, disbelief lacing her words. “My God,” was all she could say.

She quickly stood up. “I’ve got to apologize, do something,” she explained. She sat down again. “I can’t. It’s been too long. God,” she said. She stood again. “I’m going to go,” she told me.

I nodded. I understood.

She left, and I paid the bill.

Toby’s reaction was what I’d have expected of him: a quick nod of the head to show that he understood, then a reprimand. “Haven’t you got work to do?” he asked. Maybe he wanted time alone. Maybe he understood and didn’t need the time that I thought I needed to get to grips with it all.

I wasn’t sure what to make of Leo. I wasn’t sure that he necessarily understood; the dismissal came before any visible reaction. But then no one was allowed to approach his office for the rest of the afternoon, so I guessed he was thinking about it then.

Something in Boston, Maggie, had definitely been good for Josh. Sometimes I worried that he was going to start skipping into the office and claiming how nice the scent of the flowers was. Now that would have scared me more than pretty much anything else in this life. But Maggie might have been enough to make this happen. I didn’t understand it, but maybe there was something more between them than any of us knew.

Then I witnessed him speaking to her on the phone.

I was supposed to talk to him about something, I forget what, and I started to enter his office. I then noticed that the door was almost shut, and so I stopped for a minute. Then I heard him speak. He laughed.

“You wouldn’t dare!” he was saying, and so I understood immediately that it wasn’t a business call. I considered waltzing in and reprimanding him for using office hours for social calls, but there was something in his tone that made me understand how private his conversation was.

I knew right that minute that all I had wanted all my life was a relationship with someone like the one he had with Maggie.

It wasn’t the words – mostly he said one or two sentence words in a sarcastic manner – it was in the way that he was totally engrossed in what she had to say. I peered in his office through the crack, and could see it in his relaxed position, the smile on his face. I could hear it in the way that he seemingly pretended to ridicule her, but I just knew that in no way did he mean it. I ached for such a connection.

My relationship with Ainsley was progressing, but we still barely knew each other. And although I could see myself falling slowly in love with her I couldn’t see us having the same bonding over such a short period of time.

I don’t know how long I stood there, but I only moved away when CJ wandered over to me asking what I was doing.

I walked quickly back to my office.

He came over to my place after work one night to watch a football game, and his cell phone rang in the middle of it.

“I’m watching a game, can you call me back later,” he greeted the person, not looking at the screen on his cell phone to see who it was. Then his expression, the one of annoyance, changed into something else, and he smiled. “Well, I’ll talk, but only because it’s you,” he said.

I considered walking out the room, allowing him to talk to Maggie. I decided to go get some more beers from the fridge. He had no idea that I had even spoken to him until Maggie told him that someone was talking to him.

I asked for the fourth time if he wanted another beer and he replied that he would.

“And don’t even think about giving me that lecture,” he said to Maggie as I walked away. I smiled, and tried to think of who it was that used to lecture him about his drinking habits and inability to consume alcohol. I reasoned I was either imagining it, or CJ had once made a comment on it. It continued to bug me, however.

I stayed a while in the kitchen, trying to find some more potato chips, before I returned to the lounge with the food and drink. Josh was just saying goodbye to Maggie.

“How is Maggie?” I asked after he’d hung up and I’d handed him his beer.

Confusion masked his face briefly and I started to wonder what was going on.

“Fine,” he said eventually. I wasn’t sure if I believed him, but the more I thought about it, the more I decided that it was my imagination working overtime yet again.

I decided to drop the subject and watch the game.

I didn’t think much about what had happened for the next few days; the election was approaching and we were all extremely busy.

Election Day came quicker than expected and I didn’t think I was really prepared. But there was nothing that I could do about that.

I ran round frantically trying to talk to people, to arrange last minute details and finishing touches on the President’s speeches, and I really wanted to talk to Josh about something probably more important than anything I had ever spoken to him about before. Okay, possibly not more important.

It took me several hours, or so it seemed, to locate him. And when I found him in his office he was annoyed with me but put down the phone and proceeded to give me all the information that I required.

Later we all gathered at the campaign headquarters and waited not so patiently for the results to come in. CJ and I made predictions on how it was going to go, changing our minds ten minutes or an hour later as yet another precinct called in. In amongst this were our complaints that we were starving since we mostly had forgone lunch in favor of working and were beginning to regret the decision.

CJ quickly got bored of us and went to get take out menus.

She returned half an hour later, but not alone.

I spotted the blonde head before anyone else had a chance to and, as she neared us, I tapped her on the shoulder. She turned in my direction and I hugged her.

“What are you doing here?” I asked as everyone else simultaneously spoke and took her attention away from me. She looked almost scared by the flock of people surrounding her and asking for information.

“Where’s Josh?” CJ asked after announcing that she had menus.

I saw him after I heard him, and I wondered if I should not warn him that Donna was there, or warn Donna that Josh was there, or intervene in some way, but it was too late.

As it was, my assistance was not required.

The President quickly came between them, either by plan or by good fortune, and there was a quick conversation before Donna looked over at Josh. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen, and held my breath before Josh pulled Donna into a hug in a gesture that didn’t speak to me of their problems. I wondered what was going on, as Donna hugged him back affectionately, and I didn’t think that it was the first time they had met since the hospital. There was no awkwardness, no tension; they smiled widely at one another.

But before I could think more on the subject the whole room went quiet and I didn’t think it was a reaction to seeing Josh and Donna’s reunion.

The next few years were being decided for us once again by the American population, and I held my breath for the second time in several minutes.

“And with those final results, the election is being called for President Bartlet,” we were informed, and the noise that proceeded was deafening. Everyone was cheering, some crying, some even dancing, and champagne was brought out. The President, for once, made a short speech before opening it. And I felt proud to know him, to know everyone there.

Later, after numerous celebratory drinks, I let them all know this. Fortunately, they were generally drunk enough to return the sentiment without teasing me, at least not until later.

More drink was had, and then it seems that I decided that people should dance.

It also seems that I had some more ridiculous notions, none of which I’d like to remember.

Like dragging Donna over to the dance floor and away from Josh and doing some highly creative, although apparently near lethal, dancing. Josh quickly came over and so I decided, or the alcohol decided, that I was going to play the song that I had danced to with Donna at the 40th party. The song that she remembered dancing to with Josh in Illinois. Apparently I then grinned inanely, perhaps even insanely, at them for some while.

Soon after people decided that they wanted to go home.

I decided that I wanted to phone up Ainsley and congratulate her on her loss but having her job for a further 4 years. I then decided that I wanted to go over to her apartment to congratulate her, and never quite got as far as the congratulations. I did, however, make it to her apartment, and even into her bed. Where I promptly, quite adorably, I might quote, passed out.

The hangover the next day, and the realization that I wasn’t in my own bed, was slightly improved by the discovery that I was in bed with Ainsley, and, later, that everyone else at work was as bad off as I was.

Josh, however, looked in quite high spirits. In fact, I was worrying again that he might start announcing how wonderful the world was and various other sentiments. CJ and I glared at him for being cheerful and for being able to concentrate as we attempted to put the country to rights before 10 o’clock in the morning.
If I was able to think straight, I might have wondered what, if anything, went on between him and Donna that night.

By midday the hangover was receding and I could finally start caring somewhat about work as opposed to trying to decide whether the headache would ever stop. I quickly got bored, so wandered over to Josh’s office. However, when I got there, someone was already with him.

But before I could find out who it was and whether I could interrupt, CJ whispered my name from Carol’s office.

“Sam!” she called.

“What?” I whispered back.

“Come in here!” she whispered, dragging me into her office, Carol looking at us oddly.

“Why are we whispering?” I asked.

She pointed in the direction of Josh’s office door, and put her finger on her lips.

“What?” I asked, no longer whispering. There was hand movement, motioning me to keep quite. I wondered what CJ was on. And whether I could have any.

So I just listened to Josh’s conversation, feeling very guilty for having done so.

“So have you been to the White House before, or would you like a tour?” he asked someone.

“Funny. No, really, you’ve been working on your sense of humor since I last spoke to you,” the person, someone female, replied.

“Hey!” I exclaimed, “I know that voice!”

“And they’ll know yours too if you don’t keep quiet!” CJ whispered back.

“Sorry,” I whispered, “I know that voice!” I exclaimed, quieter.

More motioning to be quiet followed for my efforts.

“…going back?” Josh asked.

“Tomorrow, I think,” Donna replied.

“Good, because I want to talk to you about something,” Josh said.

CJ and I leaned closer to the door, trying to hear what was going on. The response was too quiet for us to hear, and so we leaned closer, my ear now practically on the door.

“Which way does this door open?” I asked, envisioning CJ and I falling through into Josh’s office in our reconnaissance efforts.

I was rewarded with a “shush”.

“That is… I was… I, uh… I think…” Josh stumbled over the words as CJ and I implored him to continue. “Why don’t we go for something to eat now?” he finally finished. I wondered what it was that he was going to say.

“Okay,” Donna replied.

We heard a few seconds of silence before we heard the door open, and we stayed standing as we were for a few seconds longer, pretty much unable to move, before we heard a cough behind us. I jumped, and turned.

And tried to look innocent.

“Don’t let me stop you,” Josh said, and I tried to look more innocent, but pretty much failed, it seemed. “Just wanted to say that I was going to be out of the office for about an hour, but it seems you already knew.” He looked as though he was trying not to laugh.

“Well, we were, umm…” I started.

“I thought I had woodworm in the door and wanted Sam’s opinion,” CJ told him.

“Well, good luck with that,” Josh commented as he exited, and we heard his and Donna’s laughter mere seconds later.

“Woodworm!” I exclaimed to CJ.

“Oh, as if you had anything better to say,” she said. “Anyway, I’m going to do some actual work now.” She walked to her desk and looked at me. I took it as my cue to leave.

Later Josh came into my office. “Donna and I are going for drinks later, want to join us?” he asked. I paused, remembering the many alcoholic beverages of the previous night. “Just for a couple of hours, and you don’t have to drink alcohol,” he said as if being able to read my thoughts.

I gave in, I’d not spoken to either Donna or Josh in a while, and besides, I didn’t have to stay all night.

“Sure, that sounds like fun,” I replied.

“Great,” he said, “bring Ainsley too.” A quick pause, “You are still going out and I didn’t just make a fool of myself, did I?”

I grinned, “I’ll ask her if she wants to join us.”

Ainsley agreed as did CJ, Charlie and Zoey. Toby, however, decided that he had better things to be doing with his evening. And as much as the President wanted to join us, neither Zoey nor the Secret Service was too keen on the idea.

It wasn’t too late by the time we got to the bar, Leo had told us all that we were pretty much useless to him, and had allowed us to leave early. I wasn’t going to complain. We managed to find somewhere to sit, and Josh and I went and bought the first round of drinks.

“So, what happened to Maggie?” I asked as we waited for the drinks to be served. “Are you still seeing her or…”

“We split up a while ago, it wasn’t working out,” Josh said.

“Oh. Sorry,” I replied, unable to think of anything else to say.

“Don’t worry about it. We… we decided that it was best not to stay together, too much distance,” he said.

I wasn’t sure whether I believed him from his hesitancy. I said nothing more on the subject, though. Not even to ask if it had been Donna that he had been talking to on the phone all those times that I thought it had been Maggie. I suspected that it was. Which lead to an interesting trail of thought concerning the relationship between Josh and Donna. I knew that they had slept together but that was many months ago. I also knew that Josh had at one time had feelings for Donna, it was never any big conclusion to jump to. But what was his point of view on the subject now?

I didn’t know what to think, but I was suspicious that it was more than friendship that was at stake this time.

Despite a previous declaration to never again touch alcohol, I ended up drinking a couple of beers over the several hours that we were in the bar. No one else seemed to be avoiding alcohol, either, although I couldn’t be certain that they had been quite as hung over as I had earlier in the day.

Later Charlie and Zoey decided to go dance under the ever-watchful eye of the secret service, and Ainsley, CJ and Donna decided to go get some more drinks. Josh and I sat in silence for a couple of minutes as the girls attempted to get served in the busy bar. They finally got served.

“I don’t think I want her to leave,” Josh told me as we watched Donna, Ainsley and CJ laughing over something as they bought the drinks. I said nothing. I couldn’t think of anything to say in return. “But she’s got that whole other life in Boston and I can’t keep her from that.”

“What would she do here?” I finally asked.

“Nothing,” he replied. “She probably doesn’t even want to stay here.” Pause. “It’s not even an issue.”

I didn’t say anything, but I could see that it was an issue. As Josh continued to obviously watch Donna, her eyes wandered over to look at his even as she continued to talk to the others. She smiled. He smiled back. And I knew that this was an issue for the both of them, but there was nothing I could do to resolve it for them.

But that didn’t stop me from trying. “Tell her then. Tell her that you want her to stay,” I foolishly suggested.

Josh laughed at me, which reinforced how foolish the suggestion was. “And say what, exactly? I don’t want you to leave because I think I might love you?”

“Do you?”

“I… It was an example. It didn’t mean anything. Just… something to show you how unlikely it was that I would say anything.” He didn’t answer the question, and I thought that more telling than what he did say.

“Because you might want to tell her if you do think that,” I commented.

“To see how much she might laugh at me? No thank you. Besides, it’s not true, we’re just friends,” he denied.

“Are you sure about that?” I asked, but there was no reply since CJ, Ainsley and Donna rejoined us with some more drinks and there was nothing that could be said.

Ainsley and I returned to my apartment shortly afterwards and I never did get an answer.

Donna went home the next day. The emails between us continued and I ended up inviting her down for Thanksgiving. Ainsley had agreed to cook thanksgiving dinner for some of our friends and me in return for many unspeakable favors.

Since Donna had left, much of her emails spoke of Josh, or questioned about his well being, as Josh’s conversation did of Donna as if I knew more about the other than they did.

I knew almost for certain that there was more than simple attraction going on from both sides, and to be honest, it was annoying me. Why they couldn’t sort things out was beyond my understanding.

Thanksgiving quickly approached and everyone gathered at my apartment for the meal and to watch football. Donna had apparently stayed at Josh’s apartment over night and I knew better than to question this arrangement.

Ainsley refused all help in the kitchen so we all sat down in the living room to watch football. I wasn’t much of a fan of either team, and so while I watched with some amount of interest, I was more interested in the interaction between Josh and Donna.

They were sat close together on the couch and for being just friends they acted more like a couple than most ‘friends’ I knew did. They talked to one another in quiet tones not meant for the rest of us to hear, and at several times during the game one or the other would laugh out loud, only for us to realize that it was not something for us to understand.

I glanced over a CJ several times during the game, only to find her watching them discretely as well and her eye caught mine once or twice as if to question what I knew. What I knew was nothing. Or, to be more precise, what I had been told was, on the face of it, nothing. But I was only oblivious to so much.

Later CJ asked me what was going on. I lifted an eyebrow and said nothing. And when we went into the kitchen to find out how the cooking was going and to get some more beer, I was the one designated to ask Josh what was going on.

It was much later before I had the opportunity to interrogate him.

The food was delicious and we spent the majority of the afternoon and evening eating and talking as we recovered from stuffing ourselves. But the day was quickly over. And as everyone was exiting, CJ gave me a look, and told me to ask him.

Since Donna was leaving with him, it was difficult to get him alone, but fortunately Ainsley came to my rescue and took Donna to see a painting that my downstairs neighbor had done and placed outside his apartment. She looked somewhat hesitant to leave with Ainsley, but didn’t protest.

Josh and I stood silent for a couple of minutes. “Okay, what’s going on?” Josh finally asked me.
“That’s what I’m supposed to be asking you,” I replied.

“What?” he asked, bewildered. “Nothing’s going on. Wha… who… why?”

“You and Donna. What’s going on?” I asked, since Josh didn’t seem to understand the question.

“I repeat – there’s nothing going on.” A pause. “Why might there be something going on between us?” Another pause. “And who told you to ask me?”

“There is something going on. Even I can see it. You’ve not been like this in years, if ever.”

“And other people have been noticing this as well?” he asked, still bewildered.

“Yes. CJ, Toby, Ainsley, hell, even Leo,” I informed him. “So what’s going on? I’m your best friend, you can tell me,” I urged.

“There’s nothing going on!” he denied.

“So you’re not in love with her?” I asked.

“What’s not going on?” I heard a voice from behind me. I turned round. Sure enough, Donna was standing there with Ainsley, who was giving me an interesting look. “Not in love with who, Josh?” Donna asked.

I groaned.

END OF PART EIGHT

[part nine]

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